I Wonder

[liptonrm_backup]

Have you ever had

where for no particular reason you just want to pack up and move away form everyone you know and love and start over somewhere fresh, somewhere where you haven't screwed everything up and noone knows you so noone has any expectations and you can just hide away from the world. And you suddenly feel like this would be a marvelous, perfect idea except you owe tens of thousands of dollars to the federal government for an education that hasn't done you jack and you only have the opportunity to apply for the same damn jobs you had before you even graduated and your not really free because family is love but it's also responsibility and duty and it's suddenly a good thing that all of your friends are long distance cause that makes running away that much easier. And then you remember being a kid and wouldn't it be great if everyone was like a ten year-old, you know, happy and open and willing to run around and play with anyone and you wish that other people were just like that 'cause most people are fucking intimidating and it's hard to want to meet anyone new and suddenly you hear yourself complaining and you can't help but realize that your life isn't so bad but it feels like a burden and damnit when did I get so damn old so damn fast? And what's the good in the life that stretches before you and doesn't hold the hope of ever getting any better then this?

Comments

[lame-pegasus.livejournal.com]

*hugs you*

My poor dear.

Of course I know those days. Sometimes it's a great temptation simply to run away, isn't it?

But believe me, it won't help, unless you're able to leave yourself behind. And I promise you, there will be better days. I know it. Really.

*hugs you again and pats your back*

[liptonrm.livejournal.com]

Oh thank you.

*hugs back very hard*

'Those' days do come and go but it is such a comfort and a relief to have good, kind friends to make them seem a little brighter.

Thank you!

[gtaotaku.livejournal.com]

Yep, certainly get like that now and again

(((((((((liptonrm)))))))))

[liptonrm.livejournal.com]

I suppose it is the curse of humanity;-). The emotions, they go up, they go down, they go up, they go down;-).

*bug hug*

Thank you!

[gtaotaku.livejournal.com]

The philosophy of John Crichton. Lesson 1.

Life is a big wheel, sometimes your up in the sky, other times your grinded in the mud.

Optimist aren't I : - )

[erpjirl.livejournal.com]

(((liptonrm)))

I get those kind of days sometimes too. Days where I want to move to another me. A me whose career ambitions are a little more likely to pay off my student loans while I'm still alive. A me who has an interesting life that makes other people want to know me! It's such a big thing, getting out of school and facing the rest of your life. It does get better though. Honest :)

[liptonrm.livejournal.com]

Another me? That sounds just lovely, I think I'll look in to having that done;-).

I suppose, in the end, it all does come down to having faith, faith that things will get better, that a good job, path, career, future, will present itself, faith that you're not such a horrible person after all. Just have to trudge on through it all.

But boy does it help to have good friends around when the trudging gets difficult.

[drunken-buzzard.livejournal.com]

I go through that every once in a while. I think we all do. If I wasn't happily married, I would probably move to the west coast so I could start anew. But then when I wake up the next day I realize this is where I belong.

[hlgraban.livejournal.com]

You described my Sunday in a nutshell. Actually, no, that's my life whenever I sit and dwell on it. It's crap. I wake up M-F and go to a job I could've gotten without college and well, actually did... Then some days I have to go home to my parents house and take care of my father who has the mind of a 5 year old if that. Sadly, he could go on and on living this way too... not able to move anything but his arm, not able to do anything but watch TV, and not even able to eat and drink like he used to so well. Every day I'm over there taking care of him, I have to suck up my disgust and impatience and anger at it all, and be a dutiful daughter because the only people he can really count on to help take care of him are me and my mother. My sister helps when asked, but isn't reliable, and 9 times out of 10 is in her own world involved with her own activities. The same goes for my brother, although he's slightly more dependable. All my dad's other family members have little or nothing to do with him, even his own brother could care less... but he pretends to care. And what the hell are we wasting our lives helping him for anyway? What the hell kinda life does he have? Meanwhile, I also am going to school, AGAIN, to make my first degree actually count for something by teaching, only this is going to take a few MORE years. To top it off, right now I'm in the middle of a fucking move I never wanted to do in the first place, but honestly have very little choice in, and my roommate/future landlord keeps throwing wrenches in the works at every turn. In between all this, my mom is expressing concern over my own life, or lack thereof. Saying she wants me to be happy too... But with my self-confidence shot to hell, and very little amount of time I DO have, how can I say I'm really happy? God yes, packing up and leaving sounds good... but then what? When you do actually end up somewhere, you have to start all over again, and that may be more of a hassle than just staying put. I have thought of leaving before, but not for long, because I can never leave my mom alone with all that. It's already sucking the life out of her, and without me, she'd have to quit her job or divorce my dad to keep from having her nest egg drained away for his care in a home... Not to mention, without me, she might go certifiably insane because I'm her confidante in everything nowadays, and she's mine. Anyway, point is... life sucks. We just have to learn to deal with it, but not dwell on the hard stuff too much. That's not to say we should just ignore it all the time and bury our heads in the sand, but try and achieve some kind of healthy balance.