(no subject)

[liptonrm_backup]

Show, I wish I knew how to frigging quit you.

Because then I could stop feeling so fucking guilty for still loving you even you pull shit like you did tonight. I feel like one of those people I judge, how say "Oh, it's not true, you're wrong" even though the evidence is right there staring me in the face.

I wish you hadn't killed Anna. I wish you hadn't killed her after sending her to Angel Prison and turning her into the bad guy (though, seriously, killing Sam Winchester is a really good fucking idea if you want to stop the Apocalypse and you don't think there's a God around anymore who give's a rat's ass about what's going on down on insignificant little Earth; I seriously do not fault Anna for trying to hunt Sam down, it's the logical choice). I wish you hadn't done all of this the week after you let that sniveling little pipsqueak get off scott free even though he really needed to die.

I can't fault you, Show, for killing characters because I kill off all sorts of people. Hell, I've killed my own family more times than I can count, so, no, it's not the killing, per se. It's the pattern that emerges from the killing. I wish that Rachel and Jem and Frannie were real, and not just characters that exist mostly in mine and baylorsr's heads because I think their existence would make a lot of things a lot better. I wish that you didn't think that the best way to tie up character loose ends was to bring the characters back only to kill them; sometimes a loose end can remain a loose end.

But, mostly, I wish you didn't make me feel so guilty for still loving you. Because I do.

Though I still love the way that Ellen and Jo went out. I just wish that there wasn't a pattern for their heroic deaths to feed into.

Comments

[effervescent.livejournal.com]

Oh, man. :( I haven't watched the new episodes since the hiatus, but *this* is why I haven't - I have to spoil myself because I just can't be taken off guard by stuff like this.

[shanghai-jim.livejournal.com]

Wait, so, they've killed off all the remaining recurring female characters?

[hiyacynth.livejournal.com]

Yes, show. Way to harsh the buzz of an otherwise very satisfying episode.

Honestly, I'm starting to feel like Show is the abusive boyfriend. You know, the I'm always sure will go back to treating me right next week, and who says he only hurts me because he loves me so much, and who I swear I'm going to leave but then he does something truly kind and generous and loving, and I'm done for. Plus, I keep looking back at those early days and remembering how happy we were--how good we were for each other, why we fell in love in the first place--and hoping that we can find that again.

/crazy

[hiyacynth.livejournal.com]

p.s. The "abusive boyfriend" tv show metaphor is way too strong for how I feel about Show right now. If abusive boyfriend's volume is 11, then SPN is at, like, a 4 for me. But it's that cycle, you know? You love it, does wrong by you, but you love it anyway...

Anyhow, was thinking on my way home that this sounded like a) Show is really awful lately, and b) I'm in constant agony and turmoil over my love for it. Neither is true.

really /crazy now :)

[liptonrm.livejournal.com]

This is a placeholder reply to your comment because I really want to talk about this but my brain has shut off tonight and I'm going to be super busy tomorrow. But I'm not ignoring/avoiding you! And we must discuss!

Oh, Show, you are forever what you are. *sighs*

[dotfic.livejournal.com]

I know, it's ongoing fail and it doesn't show signs of stopping. But I've managed to compartmentalize it, having ranted openly about it repeatedly. It helps that I now have zero expectations from the show regarding female characters and if there is any good it's like WHAT SURPRISE!AWESOME. Like Mary. We had Mary in this ep and I guess that helped me with it a little, and mostly because the ep played my like a violin and hit my emotional sweet spots repeatedly.

I'll get amazing female characters from other sources. I have lots of 'em! SPN is good at what it's good at and sucks what it sucks at, but what it's good at had better be top grade (which to me, this week, it was).

*hugs*