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Oct. 15th, 2007 12:40 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
liptonrm_backupHave an appointment with the rheumatologist in a couple hours. I hope if she prescribes another drug it doesn't turn out as horribly as that Cymbalta disaster. *shudders* That was one awful experience.
It's funny, this whole thing. Having a diagnosis, having a doctor who didn't look at me like I was crazy was all extremely nice. And it instantly made everything more manageable. I only have my own experience on which to rely but psychology does play a part in how debilitated, or not, I feel. After seeing the doctor in August I felt reenergized and capable of getting on with things irregardless of how I might be feeling physically on any given day. It was nice.
And I still feel that way. I think this past summer was a watershed, of sorts, in that I have a harder time doing things now then I did before. Camping was difficult. I went to a football game on Saturday and had to leave before half time even though I felt perfectly fine before hand. I couldn't even make it through an entire choir rehearsal yesterday. I'm still learning how to balance everything and manage and I can only suppose that things won't go back to the way they were before.
But that's okay. I mean yeah, it sucks, don't get me wrong, but I'm okay with it. Because as much of a metaphorical and literal pain this whole thing is it's not the end of the world. There are so many ways in which this could be so much worse. I'm not grateful for being sick but I am grateful that my life is still pretty much the same as its always been. I have to adjust and pay attention to when my body is telling me things but being nicer to myself is not a bad thing. I mean, hell, the way I was going at law school I was bound to give myself an aneurysm before it was done so having to learn how to chill is not awful.
I probably sound ridiculously up beat about this whole thing. I'll admit it, I cried in the hallway yesterday because I love singing and apparently I couldn't even do that anymore. But then I got up and went back into the chapel and the choral number we sang during conference sounded fantastic. So it sucked for a while but then it turned out really well and that's something I can handle.
I think that'll be my new mantra: 'It'll suck for a while but then it'll turn out really well.' That'll go with my Chicago Convention mantra of, 'Don't be crazy don't be crazy don't be crazy.' Though maybe that whole muttering to myself thing won't really help with the crazy. Oh well, I am what I am. ;-)
Everything above had remarkably little to do with anything besides me working my way through things in my own head. Sometimes sketching out the way from point A to point B is extremely helpful, if a tad bit redundant.
Now I am off to find some food. And think about Winchesters. And enjoy the fantabulous autumn weather, gray skies and all. It's gonna be an okay day.
It's funny, this whole thing. Having a diagnosis, having a doctor who didn't look at me like I was crazy was all extremely nice. And it instantly made everything more manageable. I only have my own experience on which to rely but psychology does play a part in how debilitated, or not, I feel. After seeing the doctor in August I felt reenergized and capable of getting on with things irregardless of how I might be feeling physically on any given day. It was nice.
And I still feel that way. I think this past summer was a watershed, of sorts, in that I have a harder time doing things now then I did before. Camping was difficult. I went to a football game on Saturday and had to leave before half time even though I felt perfectly fine before hand. I couldn't even make it through an entire choir rehearsal yesterday. I'm still learning how to balance everything and manage and I can only suppose that things won't go back to the way they were before.
But that's okay. I mean yeah, it sucks, don't get me wrong, but I'm okay with it. Because as much of a metaphorical and literal pain this whole thing is it's not the end of the world. There are so many ways in which this could be so much worse. I'm not grateful for being sick but I am grateful that my life is still pretty much the same as its always been. I have to adjust and pay attention to when my body is telling me things but being nicer to myself is not a bad thing. I mean, hell, the way I was going at law school I was bound to give myself an aneurysm before it was done so having to learn how to chill is not awful.
I probably sound ridiculously up beat about this whole thing. I'll admit it, I cried in the hallway yesterday because I love singing and apparently I couldn't even do that anymore. But then I got up and went back into the chapel and the choral number we sang during conference sounded fantastic. So it sucked for a while but then it turned out really well and that's something I can handle.
I think that'll be my new mantra: 'It'll suck for a while but then it'll turn out really well.' That'll go with my Chicago Convention mantra of, 'Don't be crazy don't be crazy don't be crazy.' Though maybe that whole muttering to myself thing won't really help with the crazy. Oh well, I am what I am. ;-)
Everything above had remarkably little to do with anything besides me working my way through things in my own head. Sometimes sketching out the way from point A to point B is extremely helpful, if a tad bit redundant.
Now I am off to find some food. And think about Winchesters. And enjoy the fantabulous autumn weather, gray skies and all. It's gonna be an okay day.
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no subject
Date: 2007-10-15 05:48 pm (UTC)You're amazing. And you're doing really well dealing with all this, after years of not knowing. Call me at work when you get back from the doctor?
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Date: 2007-10-16 07:22 am (UTC)How about some irony? You know that new lyrical drug I was prescribed? Totally makes the pain worse. Somehow I'm in the lucky 1% again. *snort* I always knew I was special. ;-)
I love you. I can't tell you how much just knowing you're on the other end of the phone line or IM screen has comforted and strengthened me. We lean on each other and that fact alone means more to me than words could ever express.
no subject
Date: 2007-10-16 12:20 pm (UTC)You will get the best soup in the world!!
no subject
Date: 2007-10-16 09:08 am (UTC)I also try to keep positive and think that there are so many ways in which it could be worse, because people keep telling me that my state of mind and positivity (or lack of it) will effect the way I feel, but it's so hard sometimes. I kind of feel shamed by your positive attitude, the way I bitch sometimes.
Keep keeping your pecker up (love that phrase). *big hugs*
x.