(no subject)
Jun. 10th, 2007 11:21 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
liptonrm_backupSo, you lucky people get to listen to all of my whining because apparently I need to vent and I feel like such a broken record when I say this stuff outloud. I hate talking about myself and how I'm feeling, I'm the type of person who likes to suck it up and not make people worry and that has done me absolutely zero good in dealing with this whatever it is.
Before I forget, I want to thank all of you wonderful people who responded to my last 'poor little ol me' post. I've said it before and I'll say it again, hobbits are the best people around. I love you guys, I hope you know that. *Big Hugs*
Anyway, so, coming up on day who-the-fuck knows of "being ill" and it's officially the worst its ever been, this flare-up has lasted longer then any other flare-up lasted before and maybe I'll wake up tomorrow feeling 100% and maybe I won't, I don't know but I'm starting to freak out over school and thinking it might be a good idea to go in and drop my classes this term because I haven't gotten anything productive done in weeks. 'Course, I mention this to the parents and the Da is all, "Carry on, little soldier, wait another week before doing anything drastic." and the Mum is all, "Oh noez, we can't have another repeat of that semester where you failed all of your classes [because you're a failure] and you do what you think is best but obviously you shouldn't be in class right now." Which, of course, leaves me all conflicted because I am flipping out and, whatever.
Ahem, anyway, I'm going to try and get in to see some sort of rheumotologist even though I have no insurance and the thought of how much all of it is going to cost makes it a little hard to breathe. The Parents say they'll pay but that doesn't help with the stress because they shouldn't have to foot the bill for this bullshit. And it is bullshit and it's driving me crazy and maybe if I'd been more a pushy bitch when I had insurance we'd have this all figured out by now but maybe not and if ever anyone ever tries to tell you that we don't need universal health care in the good ol' U.S.ofA you can tell them to kill my ass.
So what's the moral of that story? It doesn't pay to be nice. Nor does it pay to believe that your doctor is going to do everything he can to figure out what is wrong with you, because even when he's the family doctor you've seen for years he'll still try to make you think you're crazy.
So, yeap, pissed-off, frustrated, scared and I need to retain all of those emotions if I'm finally going to figure out what the hell is wrong. Obviously my prior lackadaisical didn't get me anywhere and I have big things and tens of thousands of dollars on the line now and I can't very well let me future go to hell in a handbasket. It's just, I suck at fighting for myself. I'm willing to fight tooth and nail for other people but niceness and politeness are so ingrained in my psyche that it's really hard for me to demand what I deserve. Or, you know, think that I deserve it but that's a whole other thing best left for some future therapist. Point being, I'm going to have to learn how to do this because there really aren't any other options left.
Damn I'm tired. And OW, breathing is hard enough when I'm not that worked up. But it feels good to get that off my chest. Thanks. ;-)
In better news, the Tonys are the best awards show on TV. I know very little about the shows or many of the actors but the spectacle they put on is the best ever. There's singing and dancing and a fair bit of the presentation patter is entertaining and men kiss their boyfriends and dance down the aisles to accept their awards. It's great. The Oscars and the Emmys should weep in shame, seriously. I love theatre and I don't indulge nearly enough (ie. never).
Oh, and one last thing. I love Martha Jones. Every new episode of Doctor Who makes me love her more. I might love her more then the Doctor. Okay, probably not, but still, lots and lots and lots of love. That's all.
Before I forget, I want to thank all of you wonderful people who responded to my last 'poor little ol me' post. I've said it before and I'll say it again, hobbits are the best people around. I love you guys, I hope you know that. *Big Hugs*
Anyway, so, coming up on day who-the-fuck knows of "being ill" and it's officially the worst its ever been, this flare-up has lasted longer then any other flare-up lasted before and maybe I'll wake up tomorrow feeling 100% and maybe I won't, I don't know but I'm starting to freak out over school and thinking it might be a good idea to go in and drop my classes this term because I haven't gotten anything productive done in weeks. 'Course, I mention this to the parents and the Da is all, "Carry on, little soldier, wait another week before doing anything drastic." and the Mum is all, "Oh noez, we can't have another repeat of that semester where you failed all of your classes [because you're a failure] and you do what you think is best but obviously you shouldn't be in class right now." Which, of course, leaves me all conflicted because I am flipping out and, whatever.
Ahem, anyway, I'm going to try and get in to see some sort of rheumotologist even though I have no insurance and the thought of how much all of it is going to cost makes it a little hard to breathe. The Parents say they'll pay but that doesn't help with the stress because they shouldn't have to foot the bill for this bullshit. And it is bullshit and it's driving me crazy and maybe if I'd been more a pushy bitch when I had insurance we'd have this all figured out by now but maybe not and if ever anyone ever tries to tell you that we don't need universal health care in the good ol' U.S.ofA you can tell them to kill my ass.
So what's the moral of that story? It doesn't pay to be nice. Nor does it pay to believe that your doctor is going to do everything he can to figure out what is wrong with you, because even when he's the family doctor you've seen for years he'll still try to make you think you're crazy.
So, yeap, pissed-off, frustrated, scared and I need to retain all of those emotions if I'm finally going to figure out what the hell is wrong. Obviously my prior lackadaisical didn't get me anywhere and I have big things and tens of thousands of dollars on the line now and I can't very well let me future go to hell in a handbasket. It's just, I suck at fighting for myself. I'm willing to fight tooth and nail for other people but niceness and politeness are so ingrained in my psyche that it's really hard for me to demand what I deserve. Or, you know, think that I deserve it but that's a whole other thing best left for some future therapist. Point being, I'm going to have to learn how to do this because there really aren't any other options left.
Damn I'm tired. And OW, breathing is hard enough when I'm not that worked up. But it feels good to get that off my chest. Thanks. ;-)
In better news, the Tonys are the best awards show on TV. I know very little about the shows or many of the actors but the spectacle they put on is the best ever. There's singing and dancing and a fair bit of the presentation patter is entertaining and men kiss their boyfriends and dance down the aisles to accept their awards. It's great. The Oscars and the Emmys should weep in shame, seriously. I love theatre and I don't indulge nearly enough (ie. never).
Oh, and one last thing. I love Martha Jones. Every new episode of Doctor Who makes me love her more. I might love her more then the Doctor. Okay, probably not, but still, lots and lots and lots of love. That's all.
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no subject
Date: 2007-06-11 04:05 am (UTC)I hope you feel better. I'm so sorry that you don't feel good.
no subject
Date: 2007-06-11 04:39 am (UTC)Can you talk to an advisor about school? How much time do you have until the classes would go from drops to incompletes?
I'll give you a call tomorrow afternoon--won't bother you in the morning, as you'll likely be asleep.
Love you tons!
no subject
Date: 2007-06-11 05:04 am (UTC)You should totally see a rheumatologist. Did you see one about this in the past? Because if not, you might be in for a pleasant surprise. Family doctors know hardly anything about autoimmune conditions; seeing a specialist is a whole different ballgame, at least it always is for me.