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Mar. 24th, 2005 12:26 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
liptonrm_backupDamnit, I'm still sick.
And now I'm going to rant and moan and bitch because I'm annoyed beyond words. Plus I came in to work because I've been feeling guilty about taking time off and, you know, might as well be bored and in pain at work as at home, except at home one can lie on the couch and watch X-Files dvds.
Which, we all know. So, okay, damnit, everything hurts. And I do mean everything. I had thought that at one point I explained what this pain in my life illness was but if I did the explanation is buried somewhere in lj-hell and I can't be arsed to go dig it out. So there are some of you who already know this and some who don't and I suppose it bears repeating.
So, Texas. I talk about it some. I don't talk much about the fact that I came home about 2 months earlier then I expected to. I came home because I got sick and nobody down there could figure out what was wrong. It all began with flu symptoms. We've all had the experience where the body begins to ache randomly and we know that we're coming down with something. that's what I thought at the time so I had a lay down and when I woke up my throat hurt a little and I was bummed but I got the flu a lot down there so it wasn't too bizarre.
Except, I never got the flu. I never got a fever, nothing became congested. What happened was that the aches and pains intensified till even laying in bed was painful. I would walk and the bottom of my feet would hurt as well as my calves and knees and hips. I couldn't wear my watch because the extra weight on my wrist would make it hurt. It was horrible. And then it went away.
Or, so I thought, except it kept on coming back. I'd have about 3-5 good days and then 3-5 bad days and it would cycle like that over and over and over again. I went to see a doctor and none of his tests came back positive for anything. It was finally decided that it must be a bad reaction to a medication I had been on for nearly a decade and since they didn't want to mess with it down there they sent me back up to Michigan.
And I kind of thought I was better. The cycles of pain stopped. I got a job and did my thing and then, after a trip to Seattle that summer, I got sick again. And when I went back to school I got sick again. Thankfully I would only be down for a couple days and then I'd get right back into everything and would be in a kind of 'remission' for a couple months, or so.
I still cycle through it, and that's what has me so pissed off at the moment. Pain is an interesting thing. I'm tired of having the unknown illness. Doctors can't figure it out, meds like ibuprofen and naproxen don't do a bit of good and I'm beginning to think that most people are of the opinion that it's all in my head.
Yeah, pissed off. And annoyed. I mean, come on, it's damn annoying that while I've been typing all of this I've had to sit back and take breaks because the whole typing process makes my fingers hurt and my wrists and my fore-arms. I'm pissed and annoyed and in pain and all sorts of things. Ooo, and let's not forget about how I tend to feel really good when I'm able to wake up in the morning so I think that I'm getting all better but a little while later I'm back to feeling like crap. And how half hour phone conversations with my mother, who I called because I was feeling lonely, can completely wear me out. I've gone way past the 'scared, crying in the bathtub' stage and into the 'so pissed off I want to beat something, anything to a bloddy pulp'.
You know, this whole thing probably accounts for half of the reason why I enjoy House so much. I want to be able to walk into a doctor's office, explain my symptoms and have the doctor just know what the hell is wrong with me and how to treat it. At the moment, however, I would settle for some really good drugs. Vicodin, morphine, laudanum, you name it, I'd take it.
The only good thing has been the hours and hours of West Wing, X-Files and BoB I've had the chance to watch in the past two days. And the really good quiche, salad, tea and scone I bought myself last night. That was really yummy.
And now I'm going to rant and moan and bitch because I'm annoyed beyond words. Plus I came in to work because I've been feeling guilty about taking time off and, you know, might as well be bored and in pain at work as at home, except at home one can lie on the couch and watch X-Files dvds.
Which, we all know. So, okay, damnit, everything hurts. And I do mean everything. I had thought that at one point I explained what this pain in my life illness was but if I did the explanation is buried somewhere in lj-hell and I can't be arsed to go dig it out. So there are some of you who already know this and some who don't and I suppose it bears repeating.
So, Texas. I talk about it some. I don't talk much about the fact that I came home about 2 months earlier then I expected to. I came home because I got sick and nobody down there could figure out what was wrong. It all began with flu symptoms. We've all had the experience where the body begins to ache randomly and we know that we're coming down with something. that's what I thought at the time so I had a lay down and when I woke up my throat hurt a little and I was bummed but I got the flu a lot down there so it wasn't too bizarre.
Except, I never got the flu. I never got a fever, nothing became congested. What happened was that the aches and pains intensified till even laying in bed was painful. I would walk and the bottom of my feet would hurt as well as my calves and knees and hips. I couldn't wear my watch because the extra weight on my wrist would make it hurt. It was horrible. And then it went away.
Or, so I thought, except it kept on coming back. I'd have about 3-5 good days and then 3-5 bad days and it would cycle like that over and over and over again. I went to see a doctor and none of his tests came back positive for anything. It was finally decided that it must be a bad reaction to a medication I had been on for nearly a decade and since they didn't want to mess with it down there they sent me back up to Michigan.
And I kind of thought I was better. The cycles of pain stopped. I got a job and did my thing and then, after a trip to Seattle that summer, I got sick again. And when I went back to school I got sick again. Thankfully I would only be down for a couple days and then I'd get right back into everything and would be in a kind of 'remission' for a couple months, or so.
I still cycle through it, and that's what has me so pissed off at the moment. Pain is an interesting thing. I'm tired of having the unknown illness. Doctors can't figure it out, meds like ibuprofen and naproxen don't do a bit of good and I'm beginning to think that most people are of the opinion that it's all in my head.
Yeah, pissed off. And annoyed. I mean, come on, it's damn annoying that while I've been typing all of this I've had to sit back and take breaks because the whole typing process makes my fingers hurt and my wrists and my fore-arms. I'm pissed and annoyed and in pain and all sorts of things. Ooo, and let's not forget about how I tend to feel really good when I'm able to wake up in the morning so I think that I'm getting all better but a little while later I'm back to feeling like crap. And how half hour phone conversations with my mother, who I called because I was feeling lonely, can completely wear me out. I've gone way past the 'scared, crying in the bathtub' stage and into the 'so pissed off I want to beat something, anything to a bloddy pulp'.
You know, this whole thing probably accounts for half of the reason why I enjoy House so much. I want to be able to walk into a doctor's office, explain my symptoms and have the doctor just know what the hell is wrong with me and how to treat it. At the moment, however, I would settle for some really good drugs. Vicodin, morphine, laudanum, you name it, I'd take it.
The only good thing has been the hours and hours of West Wing, X-Files and BoB I've had the chance to watch in the past two days. And the really good quiche, salad, tea and scone I bought myself last night. That was really yummy.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2005-03-24 06:19 pm (UTC)Have you and your doctors thought about lupus? I don't know much about it, except that it causes pain in varying ways and is really really hard to diagnose and treat.
That's all I can say of the "useful" variety. The rest is just me sending you huge soft virtual hugs and chocolat. That sucks a lot.
no subject
Date: 2005-03-24 06:19 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-03-24 06:26 pm (UTC)And, yeah, the doctors tested for lupos and fibromyalgia and rheumatoid arthritis and all the panels came back negative. I am an enigma wrapped in a conundrum.
Yuuuummmm, chocolat makes everything better.
no subject
Date: 2005-03-24 06:29 pm (UTC)Thanks a bunch for the well wishes. And I'd better be feeling better by Saturday 'cause I have a lot planned, dagnabbit!
no subject
Date: 2005-03-24 07:05 pm (UTC)*hugs you gently*
no subject
Date: 2005-03-24 10:05 pm (UTC)For me, it was just a matter of finding the right doctor who knew what he was doing. Are you seeing a GP? My first reaction to your symptoms is: have you seen a neurologist?
no subject
Date: 2005-03-25 02:18 pm (UTC)And it would be nice if the doctors could figure everything out. I always thought that was their job, or something.
no subject
Date: 2005-03-25 02:20 pm (UTC)And I actually do see a neurologist for another issue. Problem is, with all of the moving and insurance issues I've had for the past couple of years I haven't actually had a chance to sit down and talk to him. I have talked to a rheumatologist, however.
i go back to my original assessment...
Date: 2005-03-25 03:47 pm (UTC)-e
Re: i go back to my original assessment...
Date: 2005-03-25 03:52 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-03-25 11:55 pm (UTC)I think I just saw a post that said you're feeling better, but if you're not, I'll drop by on Monday because I have all kinds of new music for you, and you can have that to listen to when you're tired of X-Files and BoB and West Wing.
As if.<3
no subject
Date: 2005-03-28 12:55 pm (UTC)And there is new music to be had, eh? Though nothing could ever be more strangely enteretaining then Elijah on Japanese tv.
no subject
Date: 2005-03-28 05:04 pm (UTC)